I seldom reach this stage but now i'm at this stage. Suddenly things ard me seems so negative. Is it becos i'm too tired? Didn't have enough rest and sleep. Kept having insomnia. Kept having pissed off feeling. Get frustrated easily but cannot show cos too tired to move a finger. Although every sunday i do go church but the recharging is not enough to withstand thruout the week. These two weeks i didn't play basketball. Feeling a bit no energy. No place to vent my anger and my stress Cos really have no time for all this. Last two weeks, i travel for 12 days out of 14days for WORK... so tiring.

These days, work are getting on me. Or should i say my manager is squeezing my brain juice until my memory is getting poorer. Work have increased esp when i'm away for 2 wks. Now packed and lots of things to do.

Sometime i feel like resigning and throwing things away but i can't. Cos Dear dear at the moment cannot work cos she's still unfit for duty. I have to stick on this sticky and smelly job. Actually the job doesn't sucks, it sucks becos of my manager makes it.

Now in my brain, there's so many things. Like my dad keep pestering me to bring my Dear dear to see chinese "sensei". I know he meant good, but doesn't he knows that he's giving me a lot of pressure. Every now and then, he has been asking me when i'm bringing her over. I told him, i've told her but she doesn't feel good and furthermore how to tell her parents. Past few days, her dad and brother was sick. One with very bad flu and the other food poisoning. So how am i going to tell them.

I just feel that i cannot take risk liao although listening to a 2nd opinion can open our option but it can be the opposite also. Since western medicine can control this disease well as i've pple ard me suffering from this and they're doing well.some of them have this for 20 plus yrs liao.

So how can i trust chinese medicine when in their understanding this disease is pretty bad and there's not cure. Doc did say that it's better not to take western and chinese medicine as there might be complications.

There's so many different advices coming to me. How am i going to filter them? what are good and what are not good?

I dun even have time for myself as i'm worried abt dear dear so i try to visit her often. Everytime i visit her, it's a new experience. Seeing yr loved one change every now and then and also this disease will cause her to have mood change. I'm like sitting on a roller coaster.

Hope that i can find the solution to this. Maybe try to rest more. Dad also ask me to sleep early and join them for morning workout everyday.

Now thinking how are our wedding going to become. Money may not be the most impt thing in life but it's a necessity.

May God bless Dear dear and my loved ones. May God continue to give me the strength to carry on. Maybe i stressed myself too much.